1. Make eye contact. Eye contact increases the chances of getting the message and demonstrates interest and attention. When listening to someone on the phone, try not to look at things that will take attention away from the speaker.

2. Adjust your body posture. Position yourself so that you’re facing the speaker and slightly leaning in. This suggests that you are paying attention and helps you to stay tuned in. When on the phone, position yourself so that you’re comfortable but not so relaxed that you lose the ability to attend to the speaker.

3. Give verbal or nonverbal acknowledgment. Acknowledging the speaker helps involve you in the communication process and shows you are paying attention.

4. Clear your mind. Clear your mind of your own thoughts to avoid wandering mentally.

5. Avoid distracting behaviors. Distracting behaviors, like playing with a pencil, drumming your fingers, grimacing, jingling change in your pocket, etc., may take away from your ability to listen and distract the speaker.

Following these tips can bring you out of yourself so that you can genuinely connect with other people.  Remember that connecting is the key to success - in business and in life.

Most often this struggle is due to a lack of assertiveness. Unassertive behavior can cause problems in many areas of your life, but you can learn to change it.

So, what is assertiveness?
Assertiveness is simply a communication style. It’s a way of openly and honestly expressing your feelings, thoughts, beliefs, needs, etc. without causing harm to other people. Assertive communication can help you to bolster your level of confidence, gain respect from other people, and get what you want from every interaction.

There are two other generally-accepted communication styles: aggressive and passive.

Aggressive behavior is never an acceptable way to handle a situation. Aggression is usually punishing, hostile, and demanding. People who communicate aggressively will use threats, sarcasm, gossip, and other negative words and actions in order to get what they want. You can imagine how appealing it would be to form a business relationship with such a person.

Passive communication, on the other hand, involves more harm to you than to whoever you’re communicating with. For example, you might choose to say, “Yes” when you would rather say, “No.” Other times, you might choose to keep your opinion to yourself instead of taking the risk of hurting someone’s feelings.

Unlike aggression, passivity sometimes has its place. For example, maybe in college, you had a professor who frequently gave people lower grades because she felt threatened by students who stated their opinions. If you disagreed with that professor, you might have decided that being assertive in that situation would not be truly beneficial to you. And there’s nothing wrong with making such a decision.

Responsible assertion means having respect for yourself while treating yourself and others with kindness, intelligence and good will. It is a balance that involves communicating your feelings directly and clearly and expressing your thoughts appropriately.

There are 4 main assertion techniques:

1. Basic Assertion

Basic assertion is the simple, straightforward expression of your feelings, thoughts, or opinions. Using basic assertion, you might say something like, “I want to go to the theater instead of the movies.”

2. Empathic Assertion

Empathic assertion demonstrates that you are sensitive to the feelings of the other person. Generally speaking, empathic assertion contains both an acknowledgment of that person’s feelings and a statement of your opinion. For example, “I understand that you don’t want to work late tonight, that you’re tired and frustrated, but I need your expertise so we can deliver this to the client on time.”

3. Escalating Assertion

When the person you’re communicating with doesn’t respond to your basic assertion, you can gradually escalate the assertion and become more and more firm in your stance. Escalating assertion is normally where a negative result is introduced. One example of this technique is, “If you don’t finish the project by close of business today, I’ll be forced to put a reprimand in your personnel file.”

4. I-Language Assertion

I-Language assertion is useful for every communication, but it is particularly helpful when you need to express a negative thought, feeling, or opinion. This type of assertion is expressed in 3 parts:

• When you (identify the behavior).
• I feel (describe how the behavior affects you).
• I would prefer (tell them what you want).

When you use I-Language assertion, be sure your focus is on what you feel. This is the best way to ensure you don’t fall into a cycle of blame and anger. For example, “When you don’t wash the dishes like you said you would, I feel angry with you because that means I have to do it. I would appreciate it if you would take care of the things you’ve agreed to take care of.”

The goal of assertive communication is to develop and foster caring, honest and accepting relationships. Employ these techniques to strengthen all of the relationships in your business and personal life.

Following the steps below will help you to improve your listening skills.

1. The first step is to decide to listen and concentrate on the speaker.
2. Then, use your imagination and enter the speaker’s situation. Concentrate and try to imagine his or her frame of reference and point of view.

3. Observe the speaker’s vocal inflection, enthusiasm or lack of it, and style of delivery. These are essential components of the message. If you are speaking face-to-face, pay attention to the speaker’s facial expressions and other nonverbal cues for more insight into the message.

4. Listen without interruption. Note key phrases or use word associations to remember the speaker’s content.

5. Use paraphrasing or clarifying questions to confirm that you received the intended message. Check your perceptions of how the speaker is feeling to put the text of the message in emotional context.

6. Finally, provide feedback to the speaker.

These skills will show you to be an amazing communicator who people love to connect with.

Anger, admiration, security, doubt, happiness, disappointment, lust, passion, sadness and all other emotions can be communicated without a single word being spoken.

For example, you may have noticed that when someone is genuinely interested in what you’re saying, they lean toward you. Or perhaps you know someone who always strokes their chin when they’re in deep thought. Even a simple nod of the head can let you know a person is in agreement with you.

On the other hand, if a person crosses their arms in front of them, they're probably feeling that their personal security is at risk. Additionally, rubbing the back of the neck can indicate frustration. Similarly, clenched fists can be a sign of extreme tension or anger.

You can also detect a lot about a person’s character by observing their body language. You can tell that a woman is probably promiscuous if she flashes her thighs at every man who passes by. You might think that a man is sloppy if he slouches, moves sluggishly, and slurps when he drinks his coffee. More often than not, body language gives a clear indication of who you really are.

Being able to read a person’s body language is very helpful in conquering shyness because it allows you to assess how safe a situation is for you. It is much easier to approach someone who is open and friendly than someone who is angry and unwelcoming.

Wouldn’t it be much easier to know what you’re facing before you even try to start a conversation?

In addition to being able to assess other people, your body language sends messages to others about you. Imagine for a moment that you are at a seminar and you see someone you’d like to meet. You offer a limp handshake, mumble a few words of greeting, and keep your eyes planted on the floor.

How do you think that person will perceive you?

On the other hand, let’s say you walk confidently over to where that person is standing, give them a firm handshake, and make eye contact with no trouble. Chances are, that person will see you as someone they want to know because you approached them directly, with assertiveness and confidence.

Which situation sounds better to you?

It’s important that you take the time to master your body language. Controlling your facial expressions, thinking about your gestures, and monitoring your posture are all important in creating a positive impression. Be very sure, at all times, that the image you are projecting is the one you want others to perceive.

Understanding how to read and use body language is one of the most powerful tools you can add to your arsenal.